What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
