At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
