That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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