Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
