After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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