Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
