i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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