He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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