That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
