she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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