you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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