highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dear god my vagina.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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