Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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