did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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