Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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