just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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