There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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