That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
