Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
