I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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