no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
