You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
