I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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