my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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