i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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