I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
