ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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