It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
