I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
