He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
