Pappa wants mamma naked
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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