What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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