Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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