I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
