i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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