It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
