I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
