I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
