We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
