I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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