this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
