I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
