I met the friendliest cop last night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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