one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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