You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
