I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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