She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
