In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
