Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
