Non-Jews are for practice
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
