What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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