Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
